Fit In by Being Unique
“It’s not that I wanted to fit in, it’s that I was afraid of being ridiculed and isolated for being different.“
It has always been a point of pride for me that I don’t like to go along with what everyone else is doing. I enjoy veering off from the pack and creating my own unique pathway. Thing is, society doesn’t exactly support this, and to be fair, neither does human nature. We all have an innate desire to not stand out because way back in the day (I’m talking caveman days), standing out meant being excluded from the tribe. And being excluded meant your chances of survival were slim to none. So it’s in our nature, you can be yourself to a point, pass that, you’re risking your life.
THE PATH UNKNOWN
Early on in my twenties I knew that the standard path we’re expected to follow just wasn’t for me. I knew I wasn’t meant to be another mindless drone in society. I knew that there was a lot that made me different from the average bear. But what was the right path? Who was I? What did I want?
In came the doubt. Maybe nobody likes the path but it’s necessary, a means to an end. The only way to survive and not totally fail at life. Maybe, abandoning the path and the crowd, meant falling into a deep pit of jagged rocks and hungry sharks. Okay, maybe that’s a bit dramatic.
Point is, I was conflicted. Every fiber of my being, every cell in my body, was telling me to do my own thing and follow my intuition. But every piece of logic was saying that what I wanted was wrong in every way imaginable. Even if I wanted to go my own way, it’s not as if I had a roadmap or an example to follow. It would be harder, and I’d be alone. I like being unique, I like trying new things, but I don’t like being completely alone. I don’t like doing my own thing just to realize I was wrong and end up far behind everyone one who just did the right thing from the start.
THE LIE WE TELL OURSELVES
So, what did I do? I tried to have my cake and eat it to. I decided to go along with the path…for now. I sucked it up and conformed to fit into the cookie cutter standard. Justifying my discomfort by telling myself I was buying time. I was only doing this until I could figure out what I wanted, until I found the right path for me.
Looking back, I can call BS. But at the time, it was the best my confused little brain could come up with.
I genuinely believed that this was a place holder, and I would eventually figure out what I wanted and go forth in creating my unique path. The thing is, once you start sacrificing parts of yourself in order to conform; when you make yourself uncomfortable and go against your instincts in an effort to comply with expectation, it’s a slippery slope. A little sacrifice here, a little discomfort there and a whole lot of hiding who you really are. Next thing you know, you’re lost, further from figuring yourself out and what you want than when you started.
THE CATCH
Here’s the catch. “The path,” that blueprint we grew up believing was the gold standard on how live a happy and successful life, it’s an oversimplified myth. It honestly doesn’t work for most people. Life is messy. It’s complicated and almost never goes the way we planned. I think we hold on to the path and the idea that there is a template to life because it’s comforting. We want to believe that if we just follow it then we know we’re headed in the right direction and aren’t failing at life. In some ways, it gives us meaning, a destination to work towards instead of feeling like you’re just winging it.
I don’t blame you, me, or anyone else for trying to color inside the lines and fit within the template we were given. We believe it’s easier and less lonely. Often, it can work well for us for a while, but it’s just a matter of time before the other shoe drops.
I’m sure you’re familiar with mid-life crisis and now quarter life crisis. These are the result of one day realizing that everything you thought you wanted, everything you’ve been working for in your life, everything you thought mattered…you were wrong. That feeling of checking all the boxes and reaching those achievements, only to feel no different or worse, empty.
THE TRUTH
It’s a sneaky trap, we are led to believe that going along with the norm and doing what’s expected is safer, less risky, almost to the point of sounding guaranteed. But the truth is, it’s no more or less risky than breaking convention and forging your own path, being your own person. Because living out of expectation or obligation isn’t living and eventually it catches up with you. By the time you’re 100 that path won’t matter anyways, because your real life was lived in between the plans.
It’s scary, but everyone is out here just winging it, whether they think they are or not. There is no set rulebook for how to live your life or who to be, everyone creates their own because every life is different and unique. The secret that no one teaches in school is that it’s up to you to design your own life. The only question that matters is, are the choices you’re making everyday for you and the life you want to live or are they for everyone else?
THE IRONY
I thought I was different. I thought I was the only one or at the very least among the minority of people who felt like an outsider. Like everyone else got the manual to life and that this so-called path just felt wrong. But thinking that, made me just like everyone else. We all think we’re alone in feeling this way because we all avoid talking about it. Nobody really likes to admit that they have no idea what they’re doing.
So that’s the irony in all this. No matter how much you feel like you are outside of mainstream society, you’re weird, abnormal or different. Worried that you don’t fit in or belong, the more normal you are. You are a one-of-a-kind enigma, just like everyone else.
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS!
What do you think? Have you ever caught yourself trying harder to fit in and be accepted than staying true to yourself?
