Dating Apps: The Good, Bad & Ugly

Gone are the days when online dating was looked down on or thought of as shameful. Millennials are changing the face of dating, and one of the key changes is the prevalence of dating apps. More and more apps are becoming available and more people than ever are using them with the hopes of finding a connection. There are a lot of viewpoints on dating apps and their usefulness. Let’s take a look at the good, the bad and the ugly of dating apps.

The Good

Selection

One of the major benefits of dating apps is that it increases the pool of people you could meet. No longer are we tied to the people in our work and social circles, or even our own neighborhood. The potential is there to meet the perfect person from across the country, if your search is wide enough. It’s easy to find the level of commitment that matches yours. You can easily weed out or search for the people who do/don’t fit into your relationship parameters. There’s pretty much something for everyone and it’s only a swipe away.

Access

Anyone can start a dating profile on one or multiple apps. You can now meet people from the comfort of your own couch wearing your favorite PJ’s. This comes in really handy if you’re a little more shy or reserved. We all seem to have more confidence behind a screen.

Depending on which app you use, you can even browse through their profile and see if your favorite pastimes match up before you even show you’re interested. We’re bending the stale rules of dating where the man has to ask first. There is less fear of rejection because they don’t have to say no to your face. And it’s easier to “approach” someone online when you already know something about them from their profile and you’re just starting a chat.

LGBTQ+

Dating apps have provided an unexpected safe place for the LGBTQ+ community. It used to be that the only place you could assume someone played for your team was at a gay bar. But those are slowly disappearing and more straight people are hanging out in those places. So it’s nice that these apps came along when they did.

However, it’s worth noting, that most of the dating apps have some catching up to do in terms of inclusiveness. With limited orientation and pronoun options some people are still forced into a box that doesn’t quite fit and that they’ll later have to clarify. So dating apps have some room to grow, but at least there are options. It’s hard enough to walk up to a complete stranger and start flirting with them. But for those in the LGBTQ+ community it could be downright dangerous.

It’s Not the Bar

Ah the notorious club scene. With crowds of people, pricey drinks and loud music. And the bar scene, where you never quite know what you’ll run into. Don’t get me wrong, given the right time and people these places can be a ton of fun. But they aren’t everyone’s scene. And they aren’t always the best places to find you’re next stable relationship.

There’s also a new trend among millennials: sobriety. We are looking for ways and places to get together and have fun without drinking. Enter dating apps. Touching back on selection, you have the capability of only looking for people who match your level of sobriety. So if you’re more of a sunrise hiker than a clubber this is pretty nice.

The Bad

Our Approach

Dating in the 21st Century looks a lot more like an interview process than the work of Cupid’s arrow. With our ideal mate list in hand we go searching for the person that checks the most boxes. And with each first date, that list gets refined just a little more. With a sometimes overwhelming amount of search criteria and the advent of photo editors we might be reaching for the unattainable. This opens a whole other discussion, maybe our standards are getting too high.

Swipe Mentality

With having an infinite number of people at the tip of your fingers, it’s hard not to think about what else is out there. The perfect person could be sitting across from you on a date. But still you wonder, is this really the perfect person or could I do better? The minute the relationship gets a little rocky it’s almost too easy and too tempting to bail and find the next candidate. Because our approach to dating has changed, there’s constantly a doubt factor that this person isn’t the one or we can find a better fit. It can be hard to step out of that cycle. In fact, some have a hard time giving up the “addiction” to swiping, even after they’re in a committed relationship.

Disconnection

Nowadays, I would be shocked if someone tried to approach me on the street or in the grocery store to get to know me better and set up a date. Which I find interesting, given that this is how I’d prefer to meet someone. But it just doesn’t seem to be the norm anymore. Some might even consider this creepy. This doesn’t just apply to dating, technology has affected our face to face interactions with people. Millennials are kind of an awkward bunch. We are the first generation to be caught in this dichotomy of having too much and too little information at the same time.

The Ugly

Who Are You?

With so many strangers to swipe through on these apps and so many of them vying for your attention it’s like speed dating on crack. We are trying to force a connection in a matter of seconds. To add insult to injury, we are trying to find that connection through profiles. Every newbie to online dating has learned this the hard way. People lie and profiles are far from an accurate depiction of a person. They are carefully thought out and manipulated to get the most “hits” and to show you what they want you to see nothing less, nothing more. It only takes a matter of a few conversations or dates with different people to shake your trust. And this leads us to our final discussion point.

Catfishing

I’m not sure how long this term has been around. But dating apps and catfish have become quite the notorious pair. If you don’t know what catfishing is in terms of dating, it is when a dating profile is used as a lure of some sort. Usually utilizing fake pictures (probably stolen) and fake information. The more annoying than dangerous of these profiles are the people just trying to get good laugh at someone else’s expense, they just want to mess with people. Unfortunately, there is a much darker side to catfishing. Some accounts are financial scams while others are an attempt to physically lure you into an unsafe situation. Basic safety precautions and limiting the exchange of personal information online are easy ways of avoiding danger.

So as I stated in the beginning, there are a lot of viewpoints and takes on the world of dating apps. Have you ever tried online dating? What were your experiences and what’s your take? Do you think dating apps are more good or bad? I look forward to seeing your thoughts in the comments below.

Happy Dating 🙂